I have already
posted several Personal Blog columns about my difficulties trying to move on with
the rest of my life after losing my wife of nearly 50 years to AD. This is the last time, however, that I will
post a Personal Blog column about this topic.
However, I am planning to continue posting occasional columns on other issues
related to AD and caregiving.
There
will be no more columns about my personal struggles to find new happiness
because that long battle has been fought … and finally won … even if current or
future realities, such as dealing with the effects of the coronavirus, may cause
an occasional step backwards now and then.
After 10
years of an almost daily “new normal” while Clare struggled with AD and after grieving
for years while Clare was still alive … only to be followed by 2+ years of serious
depression and then another 18 months of overwhelming sadness after her death …
I have finally arrived at another new normal, one that has brought great happiness
back into my life.
Despite our
entire world being turned upside down by the coronavirus pandemic … talk about
a worldwide new normal … I am now very optimistic about my future. Why? Because
shortly before the virus began making daily headlines, I had already “found” new
happiness. By sheer serendipity, a woman
I had known for many years, also a caregiver, re-entered my life. We started meeting occasionally at diners simply
as friends enjoying breakfast, but our relationship quickly and unexpectedly morphed
from friendship to deep affection to emotional and physical love.
The physical
portion of our new relationship is now, sadly, “on hold” due to the virus
constraints and sensible precautions that we must take. However, we continue to express our happiness
through daily texts and phone calls, along with an occasional walk at the beach
while practicing social distancing. Despite
current virus restrictions keeping us apart, we both now know that we can look
forward to a wonderful future together.
That is a
future I had almost given up on ever finding again. In Personal Blog #10 (“Life After Moving On),
posted on 9/2/19, I wrote about how I had finally moved on in many aspects of
my life as a widower, even summoning the courage to try meeting new women
through online dating sites. But I had not
yet found that “special woman” I was looking for … that special woman who would
bring to my life “more happiness, less sadness, and less loneliness.” I was still hoping to find my “second act.”
And now, quite
unexpectedly, I have found that second act. For the first time in many, many years I am smiling,
laughing, and thoroughly enjoying my time with a special woman again. For the first time in many, many years I am truly
enjoying being alive again. For the
first time in many, many years I now see my future filled with happiness.
Readers may
recall that I have written about how Clare had left a letter for me on her
computer, a letter she had written when she recognized that she was losing her
cognitive functioning. However, she
never told me about that letter. It was
only when going through her computer files after she died that I discovered that
letter, as well as a letter for each of our children. Clare’s letter to me was extraordinarily beautiful,
expressing her hope that I would “find continued happiness” after she was gone. It has taken me nearly 4 years, but I have now
finally found that continued happiness.
I hope that
readers who have also had problems “moving on” have found some comfort in my
Personal Blog columns on this topic … mostly by discovering that they are or were
not alone, but also by reading about how my path to finding happiness has been very
bumpy with many setbacks along the way. And
yet … I am now enjoying that happier life I sought.
Some widows
and widowers seem able to put their grief behind them in a matter of weeks or
months and then move on with the rest of their lives. I certainly was unable to do that. However, I am now a witness to the reality
that even after an extended period of grief, depression, and sadness it remains
possible for a widow or widower to find that special someone … it remains possible
to find that special someone and enjoy a wonderful “second act” of a life
filled with happiness.
If steps you
have taken to find more happiness, less sadness, and less loneliness as a widow
or widower have not yet been successful, please don’t give up on yourself. Please consider taking more new steps to try
to find that happier future, while also remaining open to possibilities that
may arise from chance encounters. I
never thought of my friend as that “special someone” for me … and yet, happily,
it turned out that she was.
All widows
and widowers deserve to find happiness again … we all deserve to find that
second act. Please do not let the death
of your loved one end your quest to find continued happiness.
