Like everyone
else in this country … not just those currently dealing with Alzheimer’s
disease (AD) as a caregiver, or those now trying to move on as AD widows or
widowers … I am struggling to deal with COVID-19 guidance to remain at home. Here on Long Island, NY … a current “hot
spot” for this disease …I have already self-isolated at home for 3+ weeks, but
I’m afraid that, at least in NY, self-isolation may continue well into May.
We have many
heroes here on Long Island… doctors, nurses, and everyone else in the health
care profession … first responders continuing to do their jobs each day … all
the people performing essential services to transport food and stock grocery
store shelves, deliver online packages, make hospital masks … and the many,
many people helping others in need through their essential work or charitable
contributions and activities. All of
these “ordinary people” are genuine heroes.
I am not one
of those heroes. I am simply a 73 year
old Alzheimer’s widower trying to do my part to help my fellow Americans, staying
home so I don’t unintentionally contract this coronavirus and get sick myself
…or worse, become infected and spread COVID-19 to others. Doing either would unnecessarily add further
stress to our health care services and facilities, and possibly lead to
otherwise avoidable sickness and death.
However, as
someone who has only recently started to find light at the end of a very long
tunnel, I am now struggling with a bad case of “cabin fever.” On some mornings,
I don’t even want to get out of bed. I’m already sick of reading, watching TV, listening to music, walking, playing word games, etc.
I fully support social distancing and government “stay-at-home” advisories and wish everyone would feel the same, but it’s definitely getting increasingly
difficult for me to remain positive.
I’m emailing
and texting, and “seeing” my friends and family through Skype and What’s App. But it’s just not the same as being with them
… hugging them, kissing them. I miss
that physical contact so very much. I miss my bowling leagues and my gym workouts, and all the other aspects of my pre-coronavirus life.
To help deal
with my cabin fever, I have returned to re-reading portions of my April, 2017
article, “Inspirational Thoughts for Alzheimer’s Caregivers, Widows, and
Widowers.” I wrote about thoughts and
songs that got me through my most difficult moments as an AD spouse caregiver,
and then as an AD widower. Quoting excerpts
from my 2017 article …
In “By the Grace of God,” (Katy) Perry sings about
how, after a love break-up, she finds herself lying on her bathroom floor. She sings, “I picked myself back up, I knew I
had to stay, I put one foot in front of the other, I looked in the mirror and
decided to stay.” There were many other
phrases in “By the Grace of God” that I related to ... lines such as “running
on empty, so out of gas” and “found I wasn’t so tough.” But that song also had the line, “I am not
giving up.” Something else that helped
me a lot was re-reading the “Serenity Prayer.”
Unfortunately,
due to my cabin fever I am again experiencing days when I’m “running on empty,
so out of gas” … days when I find that I am not “so tough.” To get through these difficult times, I am
trying to simply place “one foot in front of the other” because, as Perry also sang,
“I am not giving up.”
I have come so
far in these past 4 years. I will not
give up now. I need to try harder to find
“the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can.”
I must try harder to find courage in the
words of the “Serenity Prayer” and discover better ways to spend my time at
home. I need to get involved in new
activities that will bring me happiness so I can avoid sliding back into a
period of overwhelming sadness or depression
All of us dealing
with loss and pain … and all of us who have moved on to find happiness … must continue
doing whatever it takes to remain positive. Despite coronavirus, we can pick ourselves back
up from feelings of despair and move forward … just by putting one foot in
front of the other.
We cannot
give up. Stay safe. Stay strong.
